I had an appointment with the NHS gynaecologist in mid November. After some persuasion (I don't know why it has to be like that) she is now referring me for a hystoscopy because of a detected fibroid in my womb lining. I'm still waiting for the appointment to come through.
She said I needed a local anaesthetic for the procedure because they wouldn't risk a general anaesthetic - So that's something to look forward to. Hmm.
I'm so sad though because two GPs have confirmed they can hear a heart murmur in me. I've never had that before. I got referred for an ECG and an echocardiogram which I had last week. I've been suffering with breathlessness, dizziness and really panicky episodes a lot lately, so I have been worried about there being a problem. The scan went ok, but I saw all kinds in the screen. They had colours to show blood flow through the heart valves. Mine showed a mixture all over of reds, blues, greens etc. now this might sound silly but a few days ago I was watching an animal hospital tv programme and a dog was having the same scan. The vet said that they wanted to see red colours, not others to indicate that the valves were working properly. Obviously I have convinced myself I'm broken and the worry is tearing me to pieces, probably making my sleeplessness worse.
I'm fed up of doctors and illness this year. We need a break from this crap because I can't deal with this life anymore. Everything is a stress because everything just seems to be going wrong!
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Friday, 17 August 2012
A (sort of) diagnosis
Since the last time I blogged I feel like I have some answers about why I have been having so many issues with my cycle, I'm almost excited to write it!!
On the weight loss front, I have lost a little bit and I have now managed a stone in weight loss. Things have been slower recently though because the pains were getting unbearable. I have been to the GP four times between February and July and none of them did anything other than prescribe me more mefenamic acid to help with my constant bleeds.
Early in August I was bleeding very heavily, and there would be these weird spurting episodes which I couldn't control. I couldn't function properly and could only do 4 hours at work before I needed to come home to change. The pain on my right hand side (which has been getting slowly worse for 12 months now) was bad, and I had painful cramping. To top it off, I started to feel a bloated gassy feeling which I figured was in my uterus, but it really hurt when I needed to pee.
All these pains led me to call the GP, but as usual she had no appointments that week. I asked if she could telephone me, and they said 'sure in 9 days'... Typical. The pain was so bad I decided to ring BMI Healthcare and book an appointment with a Gynaecologist at a local private hospital. They got me in to see one within 2 hours, which was amazing, I was so grateful. Plus I rang my GPs secretary who said she would fax over an emergency referral letter (I need to remember to thank her when I see her next!).
The Gynaecologist gave me two great things Drugs, and Answers. She said that my body has gone into something she terms as 'shambles' and it doesn't know what the hell its supposed to do anymore. More than likely this can be triggered by weight loss which would tie into my circumstances. The fact that I haven't ovulated for such a long time is causing the constant bleed. The pains she said are likely to be endometriosis which she can look into. In the meantime she is treating me with three cycles of Norethisterone and also prescribed some extra strong mefenamic acid.
Just hours after taking them both, the symptoms eased off. The bleeding stopped 2 days later and I now haven't bled for a whole 10 days, incredible! The mefenamic are a bit strong, they sent me a bit bonkers which was funny for DH =) but the pains haven't been there (apart from the constant one on the right!). I can't describe the relief.
I have a scan in mid September to see what could have happened to my insides since 'the shambles' started. She wants to be able rule out a polyp in the uterus too.
She has now given me a gift which I have been taking advantage of. I have been working as normal, I have been to the gym and swimming regularly which is great to be able to do and I just feel more positive about going forward with the weight loss. My frustration now is how slowly I loose it. With DH feeling good after his treatment we have half of our thoughts on the IVF with ICSI again. Waiting to get to the 'perfect' BMI is frustrating after what we have been through and I just don't want us to run out of time.
On the weight loss front, I have lost a little bit and I have now managed a stone in weight loss. Things have been slower recently though because the pains were getting unbearable. I have been to the GP four times between February and July and none of them did anything other than prescribe me more mefenamic acid to help with my constant bleeds.
Early in August I was bleeding very heavily, and there would be these weird spurting episodes which I couldn't control. I couldn't function properly and could only do 4 hours at work before I needed to come home to change. The pain on my right hand side (which has been getting slowly worse for 12 months now) was bad, and I had painful cramping. To top it off, I started to feel a bloated gassy feeling which I figured was in my uterus, but it really hurt when I needed to pee.
All these pains led me to call the GP, but as usual she had no appointments that week. I asked if she could telephone me, and they said 'sure in 9 days'... Typical. The pain was so bad I decided to ring BMI Healthcare and book an appointment with a Gynaecologist at a local private hospital. They got me in to see one within 2 hours, which was amazing, I was so grateful. Plus I rang my GPs secretary who said she would fax over an emergency referral letter (I need to remember to thank her when I see her next!).
The Gynaecologist gave me two great things Drugs, and Answers. She said that my body has gone into something she terms as 'shambles' and it doesn't know what the hell its supposed to do anymore. More than likely this can be triggered by weight loss which would tie into my circumstances. The fact that I haven't ovulated for such a long time is causing the constant bleed. The pains she said are likely to be endometriosis which she can look into. In the meantime she is treating me with three cycles of Norethisterone and also prescribed some extra strong mefenamic acid.
Just hours after taking them both, the symptoms eased off. The bleeding stopped 2 days later and I now haven't bled for a whole 10 days, incredible! The mefenamic are a bit strong, they sent me a bit bonkers which was funny for DH =) but the pains haven't been there (apart from the constant one on the right!). I can't describe the relief.
I have a scan in mid September to see what could have happened to my insides since 'the shambles' started. She wants to be able rule out a polyp in the uterus too.
She has now given me a gift which I have been taking advantage of. I have been working as normal, I have been to the gym and swimming regularly which is great to be able to do and I just feel more positive about going forward with the weight loss. My frustration now is how slowly I loose it. With DH feeling good after his treatment we have half of our thoughts on the IVF with ICSI again. Waiting to get to the 'perfect' BMI is frustrating after what we have been through and I just don't want us to run out of time.
Thursday, 5 July 2012
My husband
With all the cancer crap we've been going through its really made me take stock of things. I wanted to post about something which keeps coming into my mind - how much I ❤ my husband
Why do I love him:
He doesn't care that I earn more than him.
He gets on really well with all my family.
His laugh, especially the belly laughs, snorts and giggles.
He keeps his fingernails short neat and clean.
I'm able to see his emotion about our infertility.
His geeky fascination with space and the universe.
He's six feet tall, I'm five feet four, and he will reach me things.
His hair has lovely curls in it and he doesn't like anyone else to cut it except me.
He openly shows tremendous affection to those he loves.
He's willing to do anything for me, nothing is too much trouble, I know that all he wants is to make me happy.
THAT look he gives me.
He makes me breakfast in the morning and lunch when I'm at work.
He will do anything to improve our fertility chances but it's an effort to make him eat fruit.
The two dimples in his back.
He watches neighbours with me
His slender legs which are muscly and grabable!
His terrible dress sense which makes me laugh out loud.
He insists on holding my hand virtually anywhere we go.
His smell.
The way he absorbs cooking smells in his skin especially spices hehe
His hatred of water and his silly vocal reactions when he has a bath or shower.
The stupid things he says! 😳
He almost always drives when we go out.
He obviously loves me unconditionally.
He moans like victor meldrew.
The dimples in his cheeks when he smiles.
He sorts out other peoples tv and computer problems and loves having the latest gadgets.
The way his ears go red really easily.
That he was a miracle baby born at just 28 weeks. His scars from his battle to survive are his survivor marks.
We amazingly have the same taste in most things almost all the time.
The way we can say the same thing at the same time, or even text each other simultaneously.
He loves a good pair of pyjamas 😜
His love of animals, and his care of our two cats.
He has a fantastic work ethic and he makes me proud.
He drops me off at work and picks me up when I ask him.
He complains at cold weather but is miserable in hot weather.
He paints my toenails for me! 💅
Love him forever
Why do I love him:
He doesn't care that I earn more than him.
He gets on really well with all my family.
His laugh, especially the belly laughs, snorts and giggles.
He keeps his fingernails short neat and clean.
I'm able to see his emotion about our infertility.
His geeky fascination with space and the universe.
He's six feet tall, I'm five feet four, and he will reach me things.
His hair has lovely curls in it and he doesn't like anyone else to cut it except me.
He openly shows tremendous affection to those he loves.
He's willing to do anything for me, nothing is too much trouble, I know that all he wants is to make me happy.
THAT look he gives me.
He makes me breakfast in the morning and lunch when I'm at work.
He will do anything to improve our fertility chances but it's an effort to make him eat fruit.
The two dimples in his back.
He watches neighbours with me
His slender legs which are muscly and grabable!
His terrible dress sense which makes me laugh out loud.
He insists on holding my hand virtually anywhere we go.
His smell.
The way he absorbs cooking smells in his skin especially spices hehe
His hatred of water and his silly vocal reactions when he has a bath or shower.
The stupid things he says! 😳
He almost always drives when we go out.
He obviously loves me unconditionally.
He moans like victor meldrew.
The dimples in his cheeks when he smiles.
He sorts out other peoples tv and computer problems and loves having the latest gadgets.
The way his ears go red really easily.
That he was a miracle baby born at just 28 weeks. His scars from his battle to survive are his survivor marks.
We amazingly have the same taste in most things almost all the time.
The way we can say the same thing at the same time, or even text each other simultaneously.
He loves a good pair of pyjamas 😜
His love of animals, and his care of our two cats.
He has a fantastic work ethic and he makes me proud.
He drops me off at work and picks me up when I ask him.
He complains at cold weather but is miserable in hot weather.
He paints my toenails for me! 💅
Love him forever
Sunday, 1 July 2012
Loosing 10lbs
Massively productive day today. For some reason my AF decided to stop this afternoon, finally after nearly 30 days now. It might start again soon so I'm not counting my chickens!
Being as I wasnt clotting golf ball sized, mouse sized or even large lizard sized clots today without the most vile cramping ever, Ive been able to get out and about. This morning I went to see the Olympic torch relay, then spent an hour in the garden planting and tidying up (Im trying to grow veggies this year!). Then I did 10 minutes cycling and 10 minutes on the powerplate, so very pleased with myself today.
It got me thinking about how medicine doesnt seem to be helping me, and what I could do to help myself a bit more. I came across an article on http://suite101.com/article/how-obesity-affects-your-menstrual-cycle-a148330 which says "Overweight women produce too much estrogen which throws off their monthly cycle. Losing as little as 10 pounds can improve an irregular menstrual cycle." There is no evidence that I have too much estrogen at all, but my weight can surely be the only thing causing this constant barrage of pain and clotting. I keep reading about women who over exercise and their periods stop. Im desperate, so I think overexercising might be my best option. Im dieting until it hurts with no success, so I might try something new.
My experiment started this weekend, Im planning on gym visits every morning this week before work and exercise at home in the evening. In between time Im going to try and keep moving all day. To see if this works I might need to do this for a while but Im willing to give it a go. At least to try and loose that 10 pounds that the article believes might help? That would mean that I loose another 3 BMI levels too and then I only have another 6 levels to go before me and DH go to talk to the reproductive centre about using our frozen swimmers (haha I wish!) So here goes nothing, wish me luck.
Being as I wasnt clotting golf ball sized, mouse sized or even large lizard sized clots today without the most vile cramping ever, Ive been able to get out and about. This morning I went to see the Olympic torch relay, then spent an hour in the garden planting and tidying up (Im trying to grow veggies this year!). Then I did 10 minutes cycling and 10 minutes on the powerplate, so very pleased with myself today.
It got me thinking about how medicine doesnt seem to be helping me, and what I could do to help myself a bit more. I came across an article on http://suite101.com/article/how-obesity-affects-your-menstrual-cycle-a148330 which says "Overweight women produce too much estrogen which throws off their monthly cycle. Losing as little as 10 pounds can improve an irregular menstrual cycle." There is no evidence that I have too much estrogen at all, but my weight can surely be the only thing causing this constant barrage of pain and clotting. I keep reading about women who over exercise and their periods stop. Im desperate, so I think overexercising might be my best option. Im dieting until it hurts with no success, so I might try something new.
My experiment started this weekend, Im planning on gym visits every morning this week before work and exercise at home in the evening. In between time Im going to try and keep moving all day. To see if this works I might need to do this for a while but Im willing to give it a go. At least to try and loose that 10 pounds that the article believes might help? That would mean that I loose another 3 BMI levels too and then I only have another 6 levels to go before me and DH go to talk to the reproductive centre about using our frozen swimmers (haha I wish!) So here goes nothing, wish me luck.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
We've lost a nut
Since the sperm banking and tests, on Monday night we found out that DH was scheduled in for surgery the following day to remove the right testicle.
We were asked to arrive by 7.30am and we were a few minutes early. Unfortunately there were no hospital beds available so we were told by the matron that we were in for a long wait because he was last on the surgery list for the day. Unable to eat or drink, we sat in the waiting room until 2.15pm and we were exhausted with nervous energy. DH finally went down for surgery at 3.20.
I went home because we only live three minutes drive away from the hospital. Us my AF was so bad and clotty so I decided to have a bath. I just cried and cried in the bath. At 5pm I called the ward and was told DH had just come back and was awake. I went at visiting time at 6 and practically ran all the way to his bed.
I was expecting him to be a bit groggy or sleepy, but as I got there he was tucking into a pot of ice cream! He had also eaten soup and egg sandwiches bless him. That night alone was hard, as soon as I picked up his tshirt from the previous night and sniffed and could smell him I just broke down. I hate being without him.
He was discharged at noon the following day. Since then he has been on painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs and isn't too uncomfortable. A very dark bruise appeared 48 hours after surgery across his 'winky!' which looks gruesome poor thing, but the scar is healing well. Looks wise with the loss of a testicle, it's hardly noticeable yet, don't know if that's because it's swelling at the moment.
It takes a couple of weeks apparently for the biopsy results to come back so now were waiting. He has a blood test on Tuesday, but we're just hoping the rest of the treatment won't be as invasive.
We were asked to arrive by 7.30am and we were a few minutes early. Unfortunately there were no hospital beds available so we were told by the matron that we were in for a long wait because he was last on the surgery list for the day. Unable to eat or drink, we sat in the waiting room until 2.15pm and we were exhausted with nervous energy. DH finally went down for surgery at 3.20.
I went home because we only live three minutes drive away from the hospital. Us my AF was so bad and clotty so I decided to have a bath. I just cried and cried in the bath. At 5pm I called the ward and was told DH had just come back and was awake. I went at visiting time at 6 and practically ran all the way to his bed.
I was expecting him to be a bit groggy or sleepy, but as I got there he was tucking into a pot of ice cream! He had also eaten soup and egg sandwiches bless him. That night alone was hard, as soon as I picked up his tshirt from the previous night and sniffed and could smell him I just broke down. I hate being without him.
He was discharged at noon the following day. Since then he has been on painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs and isn't too uncomfortable. A very dark bruise appeared 48 hours after surgery across his 'winky!' which looks gruesome poor thing, but the scar is healing well. Looks wise with the loss of a testicle, it's hardly noticeable yet, don't know if that's because it's swelling at the moment.
It takes a couple of weeks apparently for the biopsy results to come back so now were waiting. He has a blood test on Tuesday, but we're just hoping the rest of the treatment won't be as invasive.
Monday, 28 May 2012
Infertile, now we have cancer
I didn't know how to get all this out of my head and onto this blog. But I will try and do this.
DH started to notice a testicle that seemed to be shifting ever so slightly to the right hand side. Very soon after we both felt the lump appear on the right testicle.
Just before our 3 day trip to London on 8th May DH booked in to the GP to get it checked out. Then, of course he couldn't get it out of his mind for that trip. Just before our trip to portugal the GP sent him for an emergency appointment suspecting cancer, so our second holiday was also tainted by the anxiety of waiting for that.
We came back home last Thursday, saw the urologist on Friday. Fortunately he managed to get us over for the ultrasound and the blood tests on the same day.
He said that it was cancer, but it will be 100% confirmed by the biopsy/ removal of the right testicle. They may also want to biopsy the left. The surgery has to happen quickly.
He said that because of our long infertility and DHs low sperm count, that they would arrange for sperm banking to be done. More than likely the removal of one testicle will reduce the sperm count by about 50% which isn't good considering where we are starting from. The possibility of chemo after the surgery would also (more than likely) seal the fate of any remaining swimmers anyway.
So today they telephoned from a cancer centre at Coventry to invite us for the blood tests to start the sperm banking. It's hard to get my head around the fact that the samples provided over this week are basically our only options for future ICSI treatment, our possible future wee ones start their life frozen in Coventry! I'm just thankful DH has been off the alcohol and caffeine for a few months to give these guys the best chance in the future.
Believe me after all these years, I know that infertility is bloody hard. Add cancer to this and it makes things scarily hard.
I just want my husband well :,-(
DH started to notice a testicle that seemed to be shifting ever so slightly to the right hand side. Very soon after we both felt the lump appear on the right testicle.
Just before our 3 day trip to London on 8th May DH booked in to the GP to get it checked out. Then, of course he couldn't get it out of his mind for that trip. Just before our trip to portugal the GP sent him for an emergency appointment suspecting cancer, so our second holiday was also tainted by the anxiety of waiting for that.
We came back home last Thursday, saw the urologist on Friday. Fortunately he managed to get us over for the ultrasound and the blood tests on the same day.
He said that it was cancer, but it will be 100% confirmed by the biopsy/ removal of the right testicle. They may also want to biopsy the left. The surgery has to happen quickly.
He said that because of our long infertility and DHs low sperm count, that they would arrange for sperm banking to be done. More than likely the removal of one testicle will reduce the sperm count by about 50% which isn't good considering where we are starting from. The possibility of chemo after the surgery would also (more than likely) seal the fate of any remaining swimmers anyway.
So today they telephoned from a cancer centre at Coventry to invite us for the blood tests to start the sperm banking. It's hard to get my head around the fact that the samples provided over this week are basically our only options for future ICSI treatment, our possible future wee ones start their life frozen in Coventry! I'm just thankful DH has been off the alcohol and caffeine for a few months to give these guys the best chance in the future.
Believe me after all these years, I know that infertility is bloody hard. Add cancer to this and it makes things scarily hard.
I just want my husband well :,-(
Tuesday, 15 May 2012
The dream seems further away than ever
*Sigh* what an awful week.
I can't think what else could go wrong.
Last week we had a great trip to London for a few days which we were really looking forward to after all the TTC stresses. Whilst in London DH found out that he is being made redundant at the end of June which is going to be really hard on him emotionally i think, also hard financially considering the money we need for ICSI let alone the normal day to day finances.
For a little while now we have been noticing one of DHs testicles starting to get a bit bigger. Being cautious we kept feeling around and eventually found a lumpy mass starting to come out of the front of one of the testicles. So we booked into the GP on Monday for them to advise us on what to do. The GP did scare DH with words like 'that's not normal', 'you should have come sooner' which wasn't nice, but thankfully DH is fast tracked for the cancer scan. Today we got the date through for the scan which is 25th May, the day after we are due to come back from our second holiday to portugal.
DH weighed himself this afternoon, he is slim but this week he has dropped from 11st 6 to 11st which is worrying too. I'm so scared for him, but I know whatever comes that he can fight it.
It seems like our struggle to get to ICSI is now clouded by this uncertainty, and we could have a very hard time getting through this, but I know we will. We have dealt with so much together so I know this will be another mountain to climb together.
I can't think what else could go wrong.
Last week we had a great trip to London for a few days which we were really looking forward to after all the TTC stresses. Whilst in London DH found out that he is being made redundant at the end of June which is going to be really hard on him emotionally i think, also hard financially considering the money we need for ICSI let alone the normal day to day finances.
For a little while now we have been noticing one of DHs testicles starting to get a bit bigger. Being cautious we kept feeling around and eventually found a lumpy mass starting to come out of the front of one of the testicles. So we booked into the GP on Monday for them to advise us on what to do. The GP did scare DH with words like 'that's not normal', 'you should have come sooner' which wasn't nice, but thankfully DH is fast tracked for the cancer scan. Today we got the date through for the scan which is 25th May, the day after we are due to come back from our second holiday to portugal.
DH weighed himself this afternoon, he is slim but this week he has dropped from 11st 6 to 11st which is worrying too. I'm so scared for him, but I know whatever comes that he can fight it.
It seems like our struggle to get to ICSI is now clouded by this uncertainty, and we could have a very hard time getting through this, but I know we will. We have dealt with so much together so I know this will be another mountain to climb together.
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